why am i afraid of people?
i can be like super friendly to some people and really super not friendly to some. it's just that i totally judge people and assume where they're at and what they'll think of me and then i go from there. which is stupid stupid stupid. so, in light of this next week. in light of tomorrow, i, rachel nishida, will try to get over myself and simply love people with everything i've got. because i'm starting to realize that i am missing out on a lot. i talked to some guy today, and i didn't even talk to him, but he smiled and it was so nice! you know, like those hidden surprises, how do you know if you're getting the best of people when you don't treat them the best? and it's not like i even want the best of people, i just want to love people, because if i'm not straight up loving people, than what am i doing? not enough. i just want to be your friend!

i brainstormed ideas for my ovid essay due on monday all day today and i still have nothing. i talked to my professor and listened to all of my other classmates tell her their ideas. i came home and i listened to a song. sometimes i think i am on a completely different wavelength then everybody else. i don't know where i missed out on the big boat, but right now i am on my own little tugboat. haha, waiting for someone else out there on their own little tugboat and then we'll get a rowboat together!! hahaha. i love mae and think about life and jesus.