next term will be interesting

To think of who has made you.
To think of who is making you.
To think of who will make you.

It's like nobody wants to even mention anything from the time when we were friends. It was weird today when something he told me when we were really close came up. And I remembered he told me a long time ago. It was out of context and strange. It was like he didn't want to remember he told me and nobody wanted to remember that he would've told me that. But I look back on that time and it was good. Good and bad. But good. I love it.

God has always always always provided someone in my life to constantly be my friend by guiding me, encouraging me, loving me and loving god even more and I am so thankful. I get the big man and then I get my godsend. I'm so thankful to know that I have my specials who will always be making me.

And then to think of who will be important in my life. It's weird to think about it in such terms, but it's like, you just know that that person is going to change you. If you let them in, and that's why it's so fascinating. Letting someone close feels so good, but it can hurt so bad. You learn so much. Grow so much. It's not like I'm telling God who I want to be my best friend, because I've done that and learned that you can't tell God how it's going to be. Or, I guess I've learned that you can tell God how it's going to be, and he'll let it be that way, but what God has in store is so much better than anything you could imagine. It's not like I'm telling God. It's more like God's telling me this time.

I guess you could say I'm excited to grow.
I guess you could say I'm willing to be torn apart and broken down. Because it's only then that God can rebuild me piece by piece into who he's intended me to be. It's the most painful thing I've gone through, which is nothing compared to most people, but there's no better feeling than knowing that you are relying solely on God and God solely is supporting, providing, encouraging and loving you.